I used to think that I was accustomed to disappointment. Disappointment was something I was very familiar with and I know well enough how to deal with it. But I was wrong and I realize that no matter how prepared a person really is, he can never be fully okay after being disappointed over something. I admit that I’m not the best Prideshipping writer out there because seriously, I’m not. My style seems to be very hard to understand and I guess what I write is not that interesting anymore. I want my stories to earn a lot of reviews, I want people to appreciate my works. But sadly, many of them seem to dislike it.
I never thought that I would ever see myself as an incompetent. I never thought that one day, I would finally succumb to what my mind has been incessantly whispering since three years ago. My stubborness used to be a lovely trait for it keeps me determined enough to see things done. But it affects me negatively now because I don’t listen to the more rational side of me anymore. Except if the topic at hand is related to anything I particularly dislike and wish to avoid, no, I don’t listen anymore. I want to be a better writer. I want to be acknowledged as someone whose works are even worth reading but I’m just not. It’s depressing to think about how I’ve tried for for years and the improvements aren’t even worth noting.
My inability keeps me from commenting. When I cringe at the poor characterization made by other writers, I can’t even tell them properly as if the mere comment is so untrue already. It’s always been a problem and maybe I’m just trying to be nice. But how come people appreciate their works and not mine? What do others have that I don’t? I want to be good. Gawd, I so want to imrpove so badly but I honesty don’t know what to do anymore. Barrie said that my style has turned into the introspective side, more about how the characters think and not on what they primarily feel. I used to write fics that center on emotions, on how the characters react. Yet, despite her saying that my new style is to her liking, I had received more reviews in my old stories, the ones which focus on the emotions themselves. So, what’s going on?
