Scratch Paper

HAUNTED BEGINNINGS were made of half-truths and unanswered questions. There were memories of confusion and partings, of ‘don’t go’ and ‘I never will’ that used to sound so right, and of promises to come back even though it can never happen. Uncertainty was a friend of heartbreak, as their lips parted and they, themselves, headed to different paths from the courtyard. Those were lies, the forgotten, stolen kisses; the security his arms had provided as he shielded the other from harm; the vow to meet again in the future. They lived on borrowed time, on a fairytale that wasn’t supposed to last and come true. Love was a fancy thing, and it had never been a suitable reward for them. Their caresses may as well been rough grips on humanity, shaking and forcing the general populace to realize how futile dreaming for a ‘happily ever after’ is; their kisses nothing else but sloppy and rushed, as if tomorrow would be the day the world ends; and outside, as they rattle and shake inside, their gazes narrow at each other, reaching for each other and pretending that the line between them, carefully dividing what is logical to what wasn’t, didn’t exist. They were mere shadows to a bright, changing world and as they fought not to be what they were born as–priest and pharaoh, cousins and friends, king and subject– the lies started growing. The phantoms lurking in the dark recesses of their passion-filled mind. Decades later, as blood spilled in the courtyard, where they last kissed, where “We’ll be together again” felt painstakingly true, there was anguish. And then the legends began.

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I LOVE YOU. I promised, I watched and stared from outside. Your smiles are wider every day, but there’s an underlying sadness in them, like it was never enough–the fulfillment didn’t seem too keen to drive the emptiness away. Your eyes held so many secrets, shimmering and glimmering from one emotion to the next. We promised long ago, under the shade of an old oak tree, after we had carved our names… forever and ever, we’ll be together, just you and me. I said that I’d never let you go, but I did. You were happy, you said you were. To love was to guarantee someone else’s happiness. You want so many things, from her, from your life, from everyone else… I could read them perfectly, can she?